IN THE REALM OF THE RECENTLY ZOMBIFIED (aka Round Robin Horror Story Part 5 - Maura)

tendrils like roots writhing within his gaze. The movements echoed the rhythmic sound of drums that grew louder and louder while everything else seemed to grow further and further away. My body ignored my orders to move away from this strange man and instead slumped down as if boneless.

What the hell?

The sexy man smiled, a rather self-satisfied smirk if I do say so myself. Then he set my hand on my lap and patted it a time or two before he stood up. "You see, you are the perfect bride and my zombie army will quiver and wriggle in joy at our wedding."

I would know if I ever agreed to be anyone's bride and I certainly had no such memory. And sexy or not, anyone that came with a zombie army wasn't the sort of man I wanted to go to family reunions with. Though there might be a benefit to having them eat my least favorite editors and critics.... No. Not allowed. And just think of what that would do to my entire collection of Doctors... They're durable but nothing stands up to weird jelly zombie juice. I'd have to wear... rubber.

If I could have moved, I would have shuddered at the thought of being stuck in military green hip waders just to walk down the hall.

But I needed to get loose...and soon.

Mr. Delusional-Groom-To-Be stood up and made some grandious gestures as if he were Princess Di at a ship launch and the drum beats grew louder and louder. I couldn't see much more than Mr. Self-Elected-Husband until a huge tree shuffled around behind him. A tree with a frickin' face, no less, that stank of rotting forest and was beating rhythmically on its own trunk with four or five of its branches. The drummer was a tree?

Then several more trees moved to form an arc behind Mr. On-My-Nerves and, in between the loud booms from the trees, I began to hear the same squishy sounds I thought I'd escaped when I left the zombies behind.

Great. They were back.

Mr. King-Of-The-Zombies made a few more grandious arm motions, vaugely reminiscent of a break dancer mixed with a contortionist, then spun around to face me again and....